I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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