i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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