I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
