I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
