I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
