and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dick very happy bro
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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