You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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