This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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