i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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