Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
