i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm really busy with my period
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