Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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