I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
