The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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