Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize