wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
