Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
