4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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