I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
