i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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