we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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