Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
