If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
