Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
