i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
