I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
