OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
