Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
