I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
