i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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