Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
