Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
