I heard we made out
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
