I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
