If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
