im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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