I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
