He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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