I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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