oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
