Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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