There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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