i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
