I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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