I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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