new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
