Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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