i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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