420 ftw
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize