maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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