You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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