If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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