yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
