i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
