ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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