i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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