Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
