And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
