You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
