home. puking in laundry basket.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
