I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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