Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well you can't waste a boner
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
