You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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