why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Boobs speak an international language.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
