I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
