I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
