cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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