his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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