I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there is glitter all over my balls
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
